do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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