Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
