I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
