I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
