Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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