I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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