he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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