I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
