So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
