Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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