Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
