Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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