He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
