I don't think brook has ever known best
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
