Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
