I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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