I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
God I need to hump something, right now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
