Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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