She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
