her vagine was all disorganized.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
