If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
