wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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