So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
