if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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