Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
