All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
