Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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