just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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