Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
