My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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