The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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