there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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