just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
