He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
