Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize