WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
