i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize