I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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