wanna go halves on a baby?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
