i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
