What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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