I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
