I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It was confusing and full of hummus
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize