there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
