you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
