It's Friday. Sex?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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