Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
