He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
