Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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