Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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