I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
