So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
