glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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