i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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