Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
