What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
