he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
