can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
