girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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