All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
