you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
