9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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