Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
