I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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