the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
