If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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