Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
