my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
