i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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