I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
