i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
