I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
