This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
