mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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