i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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