I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
