You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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