so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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