uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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