the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
