i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize