Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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