A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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