this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
