tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize