I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
