Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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