My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
