He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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