You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
