and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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