I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
