Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
