you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
