No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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