yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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