I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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