no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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