Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
