drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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